Poetry & Pushpins

~ The Writings of S.L. Woodford

Poetry & Pushpins

Category Archives: Religious Exploration

Hawks and Walks

01 Wednesday Apr 2015

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration

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C.S. Lewis, hawks, human nature, New Haven, Rowan Williams

My Tuesday morning walk to work kept me more in my head than usual. As I stomped along, half listening to Rowan Williams (former Archbishop of Canterbury) gently drone on about the Chronicals of Narnia and how Aslan is an unpredictable, un-tamed lion, my mind wondered about the details of the coming day, both practical and existential: How would I meet a publishing deadline? How would I manage my typical work duties with a day-long trip to Hartford thrown in for good measure? 

And most importantly, how would I get through this season of change? Yale’s graduation is only two months away, and when it comes, I shall have to say goodbye to people I deeply care about. I don’t want them to go. I selfishly want them to stay, to continue being part of this quirky, intellectual town and my life. I’m not ready to say goodbye. I don’t ever want to say goodbye.

And that’s when I felt an overwhelming need to look above me. There soared a hawk, white and gold in the morning light. It circled overhead and finally perched on the top of a church, a few feet from an empty crucifix.

I again thought of Aslan. Rowan Williams was right, Aslan is not a tame lion—you never know what he will next do. And so it is with life. Daily, we must stare into the unknown. Anything could happen, but you must trust, you must rise above the unsettling details, only if for a moment, and search for the longer, wider scope of your narrative. For no life is measured by a single group of details, it is measured by the whole of them. 

 

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Living Christmas Trees

10 Wednesday Dec 2014

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration, Romantic Botany

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Advent, cozy apartment, New England, New Haven

This is the first year I got a Christmas tree for my apartment. After the mayhem of graduate school and locking down a job in New Haven, it seemed fitting to at last claim my rootedness in this space. It’s a live tree—something I’ve always wanted. My family’s Christmas trees were never real because Caspian and Callisto, our family cats, enjoyed climbing branches a bit too much. And the tree smells wonderful: clean and heady, as only pine can smell. Cinnamon spice ornaments and pomanders (oranges studded with whole cloves) further incense the experience. I cannot properly articulate how wonderful it is to come home from a stressful day at the office and breathe in the spicy sweetness of my living room.

And as I inhale, I think about the contradiction of the Advent season here in New England. Its weather is cold but its spirit is warm, it is darkened by early nights and lightened by the soft glow of candles. Yet above all these contradictions, Advent is a time of focusing. Because of the cold and the dark, I think we reach out more intentionally to life, bringing growing things—like Christmas trees—into our homes. Pungent reminders that even in the deathly dormancy of December, there is potential for life and new experiences.

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A Church Crawl in Charleston

20 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration

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Charleston, churches

Last week, I vacationed in Charleston, S.C., with a dear group of friends. The bourbon and gin flowed with joy as the lowcountry boil and buttermilk biscuits secured our stomachs with weighted, culinary love. There were runs on white powdery beaches as well as reading time under the shade of a large straw hat.

By the end of the week, our tans were darkening and our waistlines were expanding. To atone for our vacation sins, we embarked on an impromptu church crawl around the city center.

Charleston is aptly called the Holy City. Its skyline is punctuated with the long, straight steeples of its many churches. In a day, we visited nine churches, and that was only partially putting our big toes into the city’s expansive church pool.

The churches were beautiful. Many still had whispers of the Georgian Colonial style I love so well. Some had jewel-toned stained glass and one had horrifying, full cheeked cherubs that stared down at you from the ceiling (Good grief, the late Nineteenth Century likes to ruin everything).

And all of them had small graveyards, carefully fenced and curated.

These tiny plots were my favorite part of the church crawl. Wandering through them (while minding fire ant holes) gave me a delightful sense of each church’s social legacy. I got to meet the extended community of believers because the church still held them close, embracing them with stone walls and picket fences.

Such an embrace struck me as some quiet, but deliberate manifestation of neighbor love. I’m glad my tanned, vacationing body unexpectedly waddled into it.

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Lenten Openings

21 Friday Mar 2014

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration

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Christian community, Lent

Ugh. Lent.

For me, this Christian season is one of the most uncomfortable. Not because I have to give something up, not because it reminds me of my mortality, but because it is a season where I must wait for God’s transformation. Not on my terms. But on the whims of the Divine.

I explore the beauty and discomfort of this sort of waiting in my latest piece for HartfordFAVS. Below is the link, if you’re curious:

http://hartfordfavs.com/2014/03/20/lenten-mornings/

Hard R’s and Nasal A’s

05 Wednesday Feb 2014

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration

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England, Midwest, New England

“Alright, sweetie, let’s get ya outta there.”

I bend down, and unbuckle Elliot from his stroller. He giggles in appreciation as I lift him out, then promptly repays my kindness by sprinting towards the park’s icy fountain. I run after him, and catch the toddler in my arms before his little gloved hands touch jagged ice.

“No ma dear. Ya musn’t touch that. It needs left alone.”

My consonants begin to slur, my hard r’s growl from the back of my throat, and my a’s embed themselves high in my nasal cavities. And for a moment, I am no longer in a New England park. I am back in Northeastern Ohio. I am a little girl, trying to touch a glass jar on a supermarket shelf, barely stopped by my mother’s arms.

“No ma dear.” My mother said. “Ya musn’t touch that. It needs left alone.”

My consonants begin to slur, my hard r’s growl from the back of my throat, and my a’s embed themselves high in my nasal cavities.

Five years away from Northeastern Ohio has helped to smooth out my hard, folksy, Midwestern accent. Studying in both in England and at an Ivy League institution has further gentrified it. I say “back” instead of “beACK” on a regular basis now. But, those Midwestern speech patterns and accents do come back. I hear them when I am giving practical advice, I hear them when I speak with friends I love and trust, I hear them when I talk to children. My Midwestern accent comes out when I am relaxed, when I am willing to be completely vulnerable. Hard r’s and nasal a’s are my auditory reminders of home, of parental nurture, of unconditional love.

I am not the first to think this way. Centuries ago, Dante wrote his beautiful sacred poetry in Italian instead of Latin. Though Latin was the scholarly language of the church, Italian was the language of Dante’s mother and father–the language that reminded him of deep, unspoken intimacy and love. A much more intuitive medium for him to explore God’s love for humanity through.

My Midwestern accent comes out when I am relaxed, when I am willing to be completely vulnerable.

Elliot wiggles in my arms, now. He points at his stroller.

“Oh, do you want to go beACK?”

“Yeah!”

“Okay, then. Give me your hand.”

He reaches out his small hand, I take it into my larger one, and we walk back to the stroller. Thank God love manifests in many different ways; thank God love wraps itself up in daily word and tone.

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Train Windows

27 Monday Jan 2014

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration

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Christian community, countryside

A backyard full of large rounds of wood, deer grazing on clover beside a graffitied wall, a blue tent sitting among the not yet decomposed autumn leaves: I see the strangest things from the windows of trains. Perhaps I get to see these intimate and odd images because the people, the landscapes, the animals, right outside my window forget that I’m looking. Trains move fast. Plus, it’s easy to miss things when books and electronics and conversations distract you.

This month for HartfordFAVS, I get to write about one of these strange window encounters. Who would have thought that a blue tent, sitting in the quiet of deep winter, still among autumn’s leaves, would make me think of how God chooses to show us presence in our daily lives.

You can read the piece here:
http://hartfordfavs.com/2014/01/26/blue-tent/

Something out of Nothing: Writing and Advent

13 Friday Dec 2013

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Religious Exploration, The Creative Life

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Advent, Christian community, New Haven, the creative process, writing

Writing can be tough; especially, when I’ve been looking at a white, blank screen for hours. But, there is also a joy and an anticipation in those silent moments. I always hope that something wonderful will soon appear on that empty screen, making the wait worth it.

In my latest piece for HartfordFAVS, I explore the ways that writing, my city, and the Advent season all wait for something to be created out of nothing.

You can read it at the FAVS website here

Advent and Undergrounds

04 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration

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Advent, books, England, New York

Waiting in American lines makes me anxious. The New York City subway system always reminds me of this. When the train pulls in, people huddle on line in bloated, snake-like waves. There is barely enough room for those in the soiled cars to squeeze out before a large wall of flesh counter-shoves its way into the daily commute.

How can I be calm when those subway doors open? Especially when thoughts begin to shove for precedence in my brain. Thoughts like:

“Ugh, I hope we all move faster, I don’t want to be crushed by the doors.”

“Seriously? They seriously expect more people to fit into that car? I should have brought some Crisco with me.”

“Wow, I think I just got called a freckled whore in Welsh. And I don’t have freckles.”

The experience becomes even worse when I am with someone. Then, I end up worrying about the safety of my companion. Heaven forbid if you get separated by those automatic doors…

How can I be calm when those subway doors open?

Those stuffy, sweaty New York tunnels make me pine for the London Underground. There, when a train pulled into the station, people neatly lined up on either side of the car door, giving fellow passengers a wide birth to alight. If someone bumped into you as you silently moved from platform to car, they would quickly mutter “sorry.” Of course, “sorry” could have the same connotations as the f-word, depending on the inflection–but, even in their annoyance, my fellow passengers contributed to a traveling environment that was quiet and respectful. I never felt anxious in the London Underground. Unlike New York, I got to experience waiting for my train without anxiety or fear.

For most of my life, I wait like I am on line in a New York subway rather than in the London Underground. Questions like these daily plague my mind:

“Am I saving enough money?”

“Am I advancing professionally in a timely manner?”

“Am I choosing my friends and lovers wisely?”

Yet, in the midst of swirling anxiety and fear I know that I am not alone. Others struggle with this as well. Henri Nouwen once wrote that it is hard to give up control of our lives and allow for God to define us, “trusting that God molds us according to God’s love and not according to our fear.”

What a beautiful thought: defining our lives by expansive Divine love and hope rather than by jostling fear and anxiety. Thoughts I find comforting to ponder this first week of Advent. I must wait this month not in fear of my life’s constant questions, but in peace. For it is the very act of God made flesh that creates a quiet space for renewal and redemption on earth.

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Sublime Fluff or, How the English Countryside Failed Paula

19 Tuesday Nov 2013

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration

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Christian community, countryside, England

It was all going to be so Spiritually Moving. That was before a damp, five hour walk through the English countryside. Instead of arriving at her destination, an abandoned Victorian church, full of poetry and prayers, Paula arrived moist and cursing. The church was not the majestic Gothic ruin the travel section of the New York Times reported it to be. Barely a tracing of walls and roof, it was a sublime disappointment. Clover covered the ground where pews and floors used to be and thickets of blackberries tumbled over a cracked, multi-angled display of rock and rubble, all that remained of the altar.

And there, waddling through the jagged stones was a rabbit. Lop-eared, furry, and brown, it reached out its silky neck to bite off one the berries, voluptuously swollen by many days of rain.

Paula saw it and snorted. A rabbit grazing in the foundations of a church seemed to be further proof of the Englishman’s godlessness. Like this pathetic non-structure, the church she attended in London was void of life, including peckish rabbits. When she showed up for Mass on Sundays, the rector, abandoning his stereotypical English reserve, would sprint down the main aisle to meet her: He is starting a young person’s reading group. Would she be interested? Would she be willing to bring some of her American university mates?

A rabbit grazing in the foundations of a church seemed to be further proof of the Englishman’s godlessness.

If Paula wanted to see the hearts of the English moved by something greater than themselves, she nipped down to her neighborhood’s pub after Sunday service. There, she found men and women clustered around flat-screen tellies, watching the local football match. She often heard the tune “A Mighty Fortress is Our God,” robustly accompanying a good-natured exploration of Player A’s sexual prowess or Team X’s lack thereof.

Paula sighed. She missed being in a crowded church where people sang hymns instead of football songs. She missed a God that she could recognize.

Thunder rumbled. Exasperated, she looked up into the graying sky. If she tarried much longer, the five-hour walk back to her Bed & Breakfast would be in a downpour. She departed, her heavy steps carelessly treading on twigs and sod. There were no churches here.

The rabbit, usually frightened by loud noises, did not notice Paula’s departure. Back tensed and rigidly arched, it crouched on the altar’s remains, laboriously expelling tiny droplets of excrement.

In one of those droplets was a cluster of blackberry seeds.

As the rain began to fall, the seeds sunk deep into the soil, blessing the loam with the promise of new life.

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Icons at 3:19 A.M.

13 Wednesday Nov 2013

Posted by poetryandpushpins in Pushpins (Daily Life), Religious Exploration, The Creative Life

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Christian community, grief, technology, the creative process, writing

“Icons” is my newest non-fiction. Published in the The Living Church, this little piece is getting a lot of attention. It was even mentioned as a story “worth noting” by AnglicansOnline. The editor writes that:

S.L. Woodford writes in The Living Church (Milwaukee) on death, grief, and text-messages.

And, I do just that. Yet, I cannot think of it as a stand alone piece. In my mind, it will always be linked to something I wrote for Hartford Faith & Values entitled “3:19 A.M.” Both deal with my shock, grief, and yearning for beauty after the unexpected death of my mother. “3:19 A.M.” explores the morning I received the news and “Icons” tells the story of the day after.

Mom’s been dead for five months and I’m deeply glad that I wrote both pieces so soon after her death—each one preserves the hardest, but richest, moments of my life, while setting my love for her as a permanent reality, like a leaf within amber.

Read “Icons” here.

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